By, C.W. Stratton
“Life is a juggling act that sometimes that you drop everything.” ~Linda Poindexter
Life is full of transformative experiences. Many of us may not realize this, but even at this very moment, as you read this, the beginning of a transformative experience is occurring. The reason this is pointed out is because we have experiences in our lives where we are not fully present or totally involved. Living in our modern society where everything is rushed and many of us need to be Master Jugglers. Meaning, we must have an abundance of things we are responsible for in order to feel a part of this world, or feel a sense of accomplishment.
Unfortunately, we end up trapping ourselves when we only judge our worth by our responsibilities.
In recovery, we must take a healthy risk by stepping away from these things, for a moment, to see what we are actually doing. Others can see us juggling and they may applaud us, or even go as far as throwing something additional to our way to see if we can continue juggling. We become so excited by the applause and cheers, about how good of a job we’re doing, many of us are incapable of saying “enough” or “it’s too much.”
In many instances we don’t verbalize being overwhelmed because we are fearful of letting others down or we may feel if we were to stop juggling, everything would “fall” apart or we are doomed to return to the destructive behaviors we have worked so hard to discontinue. Remember that in recovery, the promise is “freedom”.
In this sense, we define freedom as the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved. Typically, we equate being imprisoned or enslaved to active addiction. Now that we’ve made a conscious decision to be a part of the recovery process, our continued efforts should also reveal other ways in which we imprison ourselves.
Going back to the analogy of the “juggler”, he/she is poised and focused on the task at hand, even as spectators throw additional objects for them to continue juggling; the persons locked-in. This individual experiences what is called “myopia”.
This is a term usually referenced medically; relating to the eye. In this this case, it’s the lack of foresight or imagination. Meaning, we don’t see anything beyond what’s in front of us. Just as the juggler.
Dangers can arise if we continue this process in our lives, using it as a way to protect us from returning to old behaviors. You know the thinking, “If I stay busy, I’m good” or “I don’t have time to think about using or not.”
These are the messages we convey to us that can inevitably have a negative impact on our recovery.
Staying busy doesn’t equal recovery, just like treading water doesn’t mean you’re swimming.
We feel we are in a safe zone when we have many responsibilities that we hope will distract us from the real fears that exist within us. Things that we attempt to be the Master Juggler of, are:
1. Job (s); some of us work multiple jobs.
4. Being a wife or husband
7. The voice of reason for friends who are struggling
8. Going to meetings
9. Personal recovery
These are just a few. In many cases, we are juggling the aforementioned all at once. This seems like a heavy load to carry, but we feel this is essential to our continued efforts to remain clean/sober. We may be able to juggle these things for a period of time, but we will have those moments when we are alone and realize we have a lot on our hands.
However, we wouldn’t dare verbalize this to anyone because we have become so attached to the responsibilities that it begins to define us and our recovery. We have moved further away from the freedom that we seek.
Stepping away for a moment is essential to obtaining a better perspective on our lives and on our recovery. Acknowledging the need for reflection in our lives can bring about a transformative experience. Speaking to individuals who have multiple jobs has always been interesting. They are asked if the need to do the extra work is for financial reasons. Many have relayed they just enjoy the work.
Is it actually a joy to work 12-16 hours a day and not leave time for self-care?
Eventually, they go back to the statement, “I like to stay busy”. This isn’t to say that every individual who works multiple jobs in addition to other responsibilities will fall short in their recovery, this is about awareness and being honest with ourselves about who the Master Juggler really is.
“Letting Go” has been a statement used in the recovery process.
This statement is relayed when we are faced with difficult or emotional situations that hinder our process. The statement is true when it comes to “juggling”. Sometimes we have to let something fall in order to gain something greater. That something may be a significant tool to build upon our recovery.
The transformation occurs when we obtain the courage to “let go” of the thing that has burdened us and not allow us to grow in the recovery process. We may not know exactly what that thing is, but we must, once again, step away to observe our circumstances clearly in an effort to fully embrace the transformative experience.
The experience is enlightening and it even takes a huge weight from upon us. It’s like the “Ah ha” moment. This isn’t something to fear, it’s something to embrace. When we do this, we will truly begin the path to Freedom.
Most jugglers begin with a couple of things to see if they can handle it, or to obtain a rhythm to keep going. Over time, additional objects are handled, after they feel they have mastered the initial things at hand. As recovering people, we tend to take the opposite approach by beginning with the most difficult. As a result, a number of things occur;
1. Things are taken away from us (not by choice).
2. We lose certain responsibilities due to neglecting them.
3. We burn out and just give up.
4. We become too overwhelmed and drop everything.
5. We verbalize that things are too difficult, so we stop pushing forward.
6. We say “what’s the use” and return to the destructive behaviors.
You can be a Master Juggler of things in your life, but we must realize what we can actually endure.
Just because the other juggler has eight items in the air, doesn’t mean that it will work for you.
It’s like the old saying; what got me clean, may get you high. An important aspect of the transformative experience is to acknowledge what you can handle and embrace it. This is not a competition or a race, our goal is to live life to the fullest and experience with every fiber of our being.
One Day At A Time. For us Master Jugglers, One Object At A Time.
DON’T USE, NO MATTER WHAT!